I want to move to the ATL
I want to move to the ATL (Atlanta, GA). I want to move to this area because for one I want to feel good in my own skin. I also want to live some ware outside of California. I would also like to experience a gay black community. Most of all i’m getting tired of this internal fight that seems to be becoming a everyday thing.
California is a awesome place to live and for the most part the people are nice. The gay community is very diverse. It’s full of all different colors, shapes and sizes of people. That said it’s also a tough community to be a part of. Over the years it’s taken it’s tole on me. I don’t feel beautiful at times. I’m not proud of my dark skin. I talk to guys at parties and they look at me as if I’m from mars. I’ve been told on more than one occasion that i’m not someones type. I know a whole plethora of gay’s who don’t date black guys. It’s not fun to approach a guy and have the first thought in your head be “I wonder if he likes black guys”. I want to be part of a community where I can approach a guy and not think twice about my skin color. I believe if i’m in a community of people who are the same color as me I will find peace of mind, restored self confidence, and restored self love.
Another reason I want to move to the ATL is because I want to get out of California and experience another part of the USA. I’ve grown up in California it’s all i know. Mainly the valley. I lived in Texas but I was like sub ten years old so that doesn’t count. I also lived in Chattanooga, TN when I was in seventh grade. I hated it with the deepest parts of my spirit! Kids are cruel need I say more? That said as a adult it would be nice to be some ware else and see another side of being out of California where you can interact with a educated and diverse gay African American group of people.
I would also like to experience a gay black community. The closest thing I have to a real gay black friend is Justin (@jstnalxndr on Twitter). I know every community has it’s issues and dramas. It would be nice to not feel like i’m at the bottom of that community or on the outside. I’d like to be part of A gay black community that’s not divided up like a piece of ice in the mouth of a pregnant woman, A gay black community that has some kind of support group, club or action comity.
Finally I’m so tired of this constant fight I seem to be loosing on a daily basis. I keep telling myself “this is all in your head, no one cares if your black. I keep telling myself stop being so foolish just go talk to the guy. I keep pushing myself very hard to try and show confidence because as I’ve been told if your confident guys will like that. I’ve tried being the jerk. If your a jerk some guys respond well to that. I’ve tried being the prep, the educated black man, the black man with the nice scion and a job, the clean shaven, the scruffy, pot belly and oh don’t forget the skinny bitch. oh and we must not forget the one person I’ve tried to be the most, ME. It doesn’t matter at the end of the day I’m still the black guy that’s not his type.
So maybe if I do decide in the future to move to the ATL i’ll be running away from my problems here in California with my skin color. Maybe moving to the ATL I’d find the black gay community is just as color centric as the mulit colored / mulit racial community of California. Maybe if I move to the ATL i’ll realize just how much I want to be back in california. And maybe i’ll never know if I never go.
“Your current thoughts are creating your future life” - the secret
@theamericanxp
